“All the knuckles and fists were pushed into my (my head is bursting right now due to fever) pressure points (fibromyalgia which is a pain syndrome I got it due to him at 21 itself all kinds of pains are already elevated here and they are unbearable yet I was thrashed in this state)” swipe
I’ve cried so much my heart is palpitating a lot, I’m getting wheezing n low pressure n I can hardly write I had to EXPLAIN a few things before dying they are very important:
This was me they ruined me:
I was told unimaginable things again I’ve heard a lot of horrible nasty things here all my life ever since I was a kid and Harsh’s behaviour encouraged them even more in my adult life,
I was told “I shud die on my birthday itself” or get “cancer” or I’ve already become 28 kgs I’ll die soon as a bed ridden girl (I was told this at 21) I have no friends and I’ll never have any in fact I’ll die a loner… etc. I was told all this just our of cruelty and sadism NOTHING ELSE
I never said or did anything to incur so much hate they just took advantage cuz there was no one to slap them or grab my hand and get me out of here. Don’t judge me by them
I was hit so miserably am my back was beaten up several times so much that it bending in half and I was told I should die in the first go itself then my nerves in the wrists gave been repeatedly crushed which has almost choked me cuz that nerve is connected to the heart it could’ve given anyone a carpel tunnel syndrome
I am somehow writing while getting an any like sensation in my chest due to low pressure n fever, pls read pls I’ve shared I o things below
I was told a lot of humiliating things apart from being dragged from my bed all the way to the ground and then the living room right from the passage I was dragged for what? Almost a mile…? It was hurting my limbs and bones when I was pulled from the mattress cuz the corners were hitting me and I felt so humiliated I can’t stop crying sometimes, I felt downtrodden and low as if I had no respect
My “mother” thinks everyone shud be as fair as Parsis, Kashmiris or Pathans simply because they wud get mistaken for Parsis when she was young
Rest she insults everybody, all the knuckles and fists were pushed into my (my head is bursting right now due to fever) pressure points (fibromyalgia which is a pain syndrome I got it due to him at 21 itself all kinds of pains are already elevated here and they are unbearable yet I was thrashed in this state)
The nerve in my left palm is paining a lot it keeps turning dark and bulging out I had shared a pic once
2. I was told “You think he will ever marry you?” You stupid girl mental mental (approx. 20 times in a row) as if she herself had gone mad she was repeating it so much that I would’ve gone crazy my head was already getting dizzier imagine hearing that word on a loop she just kept saying it for 20 times like I said
3. She has told me “Oh you think someone will come and save you or take you from here? Oh tu heroine or woh Tera hero?” And then MOCKED so humiliatingly it is appalling when you see a grown up doing that
4. She made certain expressions with hands and all and derisively said “Oh oh oh look aahhh yeh heroine” and literally mocked me so ruthlessly I NEVER even said all that
5. She then told me yesterday in fact she’s been doing this everyday its just that some days I can’t take it it’s been going in since I was a kid it just got worse in adult life due to Harsh and others who are not accepting me (because of him he has decimated my worth) its encouraging her
6. She blatantly made this expression which said she’s so foolish yeah let’s say fit her satisfaction that he “isn’t married” huh… like that eye rolling moment.
Then she did this…
7. She said “I don’t have time to stalk you and your boyfriend” I have never used that word for him she keeps doing that and then she winced at me and at my condition and added, “As if he’ll ever be her bf c’mon…”
8. She knows my old pics you’ve seen them too she knows what I’m going through or how my forehead is bulging out my head is bigger from front due to his and her INTENSE pressure and torture, yet instead of helping me she’s doing this and
9. I had seen myself in 2016 without makeup in broad daylight (I was crying) I had just cancelled my plans and removed all the makeup due to him (my confidence was that low) I pulled out the mirror
And I saw myself (the curtains were drawn out) I was expecting something really horrible when I said “Hey it’s not so bad” I didn’t want to admit this cuz I wanted to keep blaming myself but I was looking fair and pretty, all delicate features, cute & adorable (I was 20-21)
He made me such, NEXT PLS READ this is very imp I don’t want that woman’s involvement here whoever he’s got I can’t stand her it wud be best if she leaves us alone! She isn’t privy to this it’s for us between us and for all others NOT her she is the reason I’m dy-ing she’s the main reason Aditya died too how can she even live with herself that too over there in his house his room, in my place even if it would’ve been the living room or dining area c’mon SHE IS SO nasty she thinks I’m after his house I CHOSE him in 2015 when his house was all shabby and tiny I have never seen the new one nor do I know if he has even shifted anywhere else I’m not some psycho fan like her
10. He thinks he got targeted cuz he was “Poor” or from Navsari I thought he won’t be narcissistic SECONDLY I was fair just not Parsi white or that pale you can see my pics on top SO I HAD ENOUGH REASSURANCE that I wasn’t ruining his life by being in love with him
11. I haven’t seen his profiles since 2016 Feb as stated earlier u can run a background check and see from the back office cuz their database will have my search results.
12. Not just that, all my IDs wud be found using my devices which are registered and if that’s not enough they can pull out the Wi-Fi’s IP address or my phone’s network to fetch different accounts or log sessions BECAUSE
13. That “conniving woman” who’s sitting there taking advantage of this is going on telling him that I might use “other accounts” yes behen ki laudi I would’ve had a heart attack by now had I seen anything! Tere baap ke haï kya dusre accs? Go read my prev point she’s not even smart enuf to understand all that obviously not an author like me
14. Again he’ll be like “jealousy” she’s not someone who can make me jealous it’s UNFAIRNESS AND CRUELTY it’s death and murder it’s torture and pain
15. Like I said since I was fair I knew I won’t be ruining his life by being in love with him, I had that much confidence or assurance in myself for him or his happiness moreover
16. I had seen his photos in 2014-15 they were initially in suggested accs whatever he had a double chin and he was chubby so it’s not like I hated him for that or I was choosing someone out if my league NEXT
16. Fetch that pic from 2015 Oct/Nov he’s writing at Radio 📻Mirchi or some other radio station with a guitar in his hand he has a white tee and there’s a “woman’s” handbag on the other chair he was sending me kiss emojis after this and asking if I was single I was shocked to see that bag nonetheless in that pic…
18. He was looking very dark and it almost seemed like he had hyperpigmentation around his elbows I have it in my prev laptop but u can’t open it it’ll be like opening a can of worms cuz Aneri or some other girl’s pics might show up too and I’ll get a panic attack
19. Even in a few Sindbad pics he was looking like that his face was also looking very diff I thought that is how he looked NATURALLY the album is called “H” in my silver mac not the grey one I didn’t care about that and I loved him a lot more I loved him dearly I was pretty I would constantly receive compliments even in real life so I never thought he was out of my league and those pics showed that he wasn’t tall either he was chubby too I was not getting close to anyone tall or fair cuz I felt they were “too good” or they’ll want someone like that too and I was not white I was fair but not white as a chalk
20. I didn’t want rich either cuz then they are very pretentious and his fan following was not such back then I never thought things would end up in so much contrast! Internet made everything more unfair and superficial I don’t deserve this.
20. I know what he’ll say next he’s mad He just doesn’t understand that I loved his potential he was stylish so even if he would repeat clothes and I was OKAY WITH THAT cuz its the potential which counts moreover at least those pics weren’t scary
21. Dark or short or whatever body type or hyperpigmentation whatever it is is NOT scary the face also looked different but it wasn’t bad or scary at least not to me my mother keeps calling him that I didn’t want to say this she just compares cuz she’s starstruck and she’s always been like this all about benefits u know.
I had asked God to send someone like those ugly pics minusthe eyes and jaws that too the jaws were not visible in those images (the ones I was talking about those natural
shots from 2014-15 not the professional ones) he doesn’t look like that in real life I came across that Saloni video in 2022 Dec thru her ad, I was asking him to send someone like the ugly pics minus the light eyes - which I’d even forgotten he had cuz I had not seen him since 2016 so yeah it didn’t matter!
It never did. Guys ke eyes are overrated and I lost my eyesight because of him due to excessive crying (since years) why shud I bother? I had ONE more SIGN too I was thinking about my speciality as in my long lashes which I was losing due to him and this PIC SHOWED UP immediately which had someone like me and him staring into each other’s eyes the girl had long curled lashes and the guy had almost the same eye 👁️ colour and eyebrows as him.
22. My mother hates girls especially if they aren’t Parsi or Kashmiri she’s obsessed with them (I was fair but not white as a Lily) but we are of no use so she hates us she doesn’t see me like her daughter and for men she criticises them I don’t but she does and she gets very nit picky about height and all even colour but she doesn’t mind “using” someone
23. For me if I feel they lack even that 1% and it’s going to be a threat to my body and overall feelings/dreams/standards/SELF RESPECT etc. then I say it like it is… cuz it ruptures us and causes us pain if we aren’t attracted even physically.
24. It's impossible to sleep (it’s a big deal whether u are a virgin like me or not whether it’s ur first exp which is supposed to be special or its ur last kiss) it’s a big deal sleeping with someone unworthy of you someone dumb and pervy who doesn’t meet ur caliber its like how men feel emasculated its that bad for us… we end up burn-ing our bodies it’s a worse punishment than Rap-e.
25. Last but not the least this is what I want to say before dyi-ng I knew he will never come back or marry someone else INSPITE OF OUR MARRIAGE SIGNS WHICH I HAVE BEEN SEEING and collecting since 2016 I have all the SS I had even shared a few and sent them the links he READ and Blocked his OCD started like this only pls read ahead
26. He was asking for my BB pin after his breakup I wasn’t aware of that, then inspite of being friendly or citing a proper reason for my initial reluctance I gave it (and I was friendly throughout) but his MIND WAS STUCK obsessively over it (all others were normal we would laugh and talk casually) it was like a tiny skirmish which he just couldn’t get over, for more than 6 months he was resentful about it and then
27. He kept humiliating and blocking me and then he spoke to my sock puppet ID and due to his age he was already bigger so he knew right from day one that it was me… he still spoke nicely then gave innuendos so that I wud reveal myself at the same time he was blocking the real acc repeatedly cuz he had already CREATED this OCD which was related to my original name/identity and its connected to “talking
28. He would compulsively (OCD) block the real ID whenever he would see the name “Zara” and then even after 5 years in 2019 when I sent those gifts to make up for the prev book he neither thanked nor acknowledged it he didn’t even return them cuz he had that OCD so he just didn’t want to come into any contact
29. His parents said the next year on 5th Mar 2020 (u know what happened a day prior with me right? I collapsed and I was shuddering my life was leaving the body my pressure had drastically dropped the doctor also said that and I was dy-ing suddenly due to all this stress and The SAME NIGHT I was tortured and forced to have my meds on an empty stomach the wifi was switched off so that I won’t log it in my diary (online, it was hidden though like a secret one on Twitter)
30. I slept with a swollen neck, there was a lump below my head due to beatings I couldn’t lie on that side then the next day his parents said “No talukaat” which means we don’t want to keep any contact with ur daughter. It was the same contact related OCD.
Coming to the final point 31. Inspite of our marriage signs which have been coming since 2016 I’ve collected more than 700+ signs related to him… I knew he won’t come back and he will marry someone else one day ITS JUST that I didn’t want to know anything about it, that’s why I never stalked him or visited any TV person’s profile since 2016
I wanted to die with love and hope if not anything else, or protect my heart which has already grown weak and its in a critical condition, I wanted someone to help me finish the book I wud’ve narrated the story verbally (remaining part) we would’ve recorded it and I would’ve somehow drafted it on my own or taken his help… I NEEDED A WITNESS to know my side of the story which involves all these signs and the devil’s part in it. It’s actually very imp for everyone’s safety. It’s a big secret and there are many more
I wanted to reveal it and do that hypnotherapy to forget him and those girls and that ring most of all. I couldn’t but I won’t die without saying now that whoever that shameless woman is she’s thinking very conveniently that she’ll get love or intimacy from him after I’ll die or get my hypnotherapy done I’ll remain a virgin all my life cuz he has ruined my looks and confidence but she will easily DANCE in his bed…
I expected some shame on her part anyway hypnotherapy doesn’t always work otherwise everyone would’ve done it. Cheap ppl like her are the reason that makes us so indignant we keep fighting because it’s so unfair c’mon how appalling?
Again it’s the same reaction I had for my mother how can they be so bad? As if he doesn’t understand kya opportunistic aurat hai the moment she read hypnotherapy I’m sure she thought now she’ll get to fk and all that’s the problem na in my gen (they’re not even from my generation btw) yet they pull us down on the basis of virginity that too he made me that way!
Ha loot uski Bach I kuch izzat aur khud ki bech ke kha diamond ring ke liye dance nkd on mine and Aditya’s dead bodies. Never wanted to say that but today when I was crying very badly and hating myself I remembered how I’d slammed the table minutes like all those fav characters of mine (I’ll tell u why) she’ll pick the word slam now
What kind of an insecure bimbo have u got? Slammed in frustration cuz someone had to take responsibility for Aditya’s death which I don’t like bringing up, I told him someone still remembers you (go read more signs and coincidences related to him in my other post the prev book one) I am somehow drafting all this since 6 am
I slammed and said we lost a life and I was already writing about it (not about him but this whole number thing and how they are upturned, I told u even his mom’s connection I wasn’t aware of it but I was RIGHT and I was writing the rest this was just something they had to show me to “add” there, you’ve read who showed.
One of the videos had 4:13 in the duration the devil’s number it showed me the ring my biggest fear since 2015 the devil killed Aditya I’ve shared how with enough evidence (read my blog post www.lilacnights.com/post/aditya-rajput) for more details.
The other video a few days ago had 411 it’s an angel no. it means they’re near they led me to his mother’s name and thanks to my excellent memory (which is more of a curse) I recalled the other person’s mom’s name too… I was already writing about the calibration which had 90% of this and then I had the remaining part. The chapter is called Jigsaw based on my fav director and this was the last piece of the puzzle.
Well that woman is definitely one of the reasons why and one day whoever gets their hands on my phone will read the whole narrative with SCREENSHOTS (our signs) I’ve added his mom’s part too I did it immediately. Pls read it, they are in separate docs (to make editing easier) Pages app (screenshots are in my albums ‘Book Coincidences’ , Coincidences and secret album ‘Quotes’)
Albert Einstein once said “Coincidences are God’s way of hiding.” They are actually all signs and my book explains everything. I have to be gone before it’s too late I don’t want to live anymore I’ve shared rge intro that I’d written for my “future husband” (platonic/open marriage I didn’t want to be with anyone he could’ve been with whoever he wanted I just wanted to get the hypnotherapy done but MY MOTHER took away all my hope for the platonic one also)
Bye forever.
- Zara Sauleh
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