GIF by Lemons on Dribble
I recalled something from my childhood days while I was looking for paintings & illustrations, they say “you should always be careful what you wish for” & that’s damn right… as a kid, in fact a toddler when I was around 3 , I was exposed to the concept of death (thanks to T.V. & cartoons) till then it was just a “myth” for me… someday I’ll narrate that story also, it’s quite funny.
I also came to terms with the fact that fairies or magic are completely non existent, it was all a lie… it was obviously heartbreaking for me, so (as a kid) I would always wish & pray (till I was 5-6) to God, I would keep saying, “I want to see real magic and not what magicians do, not those tricks but actual magic unfolding right before my eyes” and as a grown up, I ended up narrating and seeing a lot of magical things and I’ve even captioned several posts: “as if by #magic” Next, I always loved sparrows, again as a child I would always try to catch them cuz I wanted to keep them as a pet but they would keep flying away… I always wished I had a sparrow and my wish was granted by the time I was 12… apparently God is a little slow, one evening my brother and our driver came home (along with all the other kids from the society) with a baby sparrow, they found her on our car’s roof where she had fainted due to heavy rains… I immediately wrapped her in napkin and kept her inside a basket where we gave her water and pulses/rice, she recovered very fast and she wanted to fly again so she kept hitting the basket’s lid all night, so much that her beak started bleeding… I knew it was time for her to leave and I also realised why we even found her like that in the first place, she was a wild child, who wanted complete freedom… she had already escaped her nest before she was even ready for it.
I took her to the window and she flew off but then a crow immediately started chasing her, my mother said, “They all meet that fate and you can’t do anything about it.” I kept waiting in the window hoping she’ll be fine and I saw her getting inside one of the bathroom ducts through those small tiny holes, the crow couldn’t fit there and she fluttered away from another hole and I was like, “Yay tumne crow ko chakma de diya” haha She was capable of taking care of herself. I’ve had this incident too, no one in my house has ever cared about me, one day I tried to escape all the torture, I was only 13 or so and I left my grandmother’s house… everyone was at home for Iftaar (Ramzan time) so the streets were empty and the local bread guy and laundry man (istari-waala) ganged up with other shop keepers and they started misbehaving with me, I ran away but they were chasing me… so I got inside of the buildings with some uncle who’d just returned from the mosque, they were too clever to understand I didn’t stay there and I was just trying to hide so they waited below, I kept seeing them from the tiny holes near the staircase (which reminded me of the sparrow) and I left when they moved from there. I narrated the incident at home but no one gave a damn. I would have been gang raped that day and I’ve had such similar instances before. That made me realise it’s better to commit suicide…
This also reminds me of another coincidence, I was busy saying, “Every girl in India meets the same fate, we end up with predators and boring husbands who are neither smart nor sophisticated nor good looking or stylish, they have no personality at all (in fact they are cheap and creepy and they just want sex) and although they are like complete douche/losers they feel entitled to “Rich, in fact super rich daddy’s girls; who fit those typical matrimonial ad demands “slim, fair & pretty” a wealthy alliance, a big dowry, a subservient, a trophy girlfriend…” I again repeat, they feel they are entitled to them simply cuz they are men and according to them women are only born to serve their purpose. I was busy telling myself they don’t even appreciate your brains, they just want someone “dolled up” (they even ruin our looks cuz they’ve got a big ego but at the same time they want someone pretty like a showpiece) and we end up compromising for the sake of emotional and social security, cuz all those whom we like, all those sophisticated, educated guys are into cheap, nasty girls so we end up like this, I kept saying every girl here meets the same fate… and coincidentally that same day, I came across one of the lines which was told to me by some fortune telling app, it precisely read, “You will not meet the same fate as them.” The Sparrow reminds me of the same thing, my mother had said, “They all meet the same fate” but she didn’t, she wasn’t destined to be that crow’s prey and even if she was… she instinctively knew he was behind her and she twisted her fate and changed it.
Every night has it’s light, every sea has a shore, every lock has a key and some things are meant to be… everything comes in pairs (www.lilacnights.com/post/soulmates-decoded) so sooner or later in this realm or another, you’ll meet your lovebird.
Xoxo
Zara Sauleh
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