and what can land you in Jail behind the bars
Please ignore all the typos as I'm not keeping well, I have somehow drafted it and each and every limb in my body broken down at the end of this article, I got lifeless and paralysed literally couldn't life myself up and I'm not exaggerating.
Please Note: If depression is a "mental illness" then so is Narcissism and ATYPICAL DEPRESSION is different when that's the case and it's NOT melancholic then it's a MURDER NOT a Suicide.
It took me way too long to realise something again cold and lifeless but I’m writing this to bring some level of awareness around me… My school and childhood friends both came back after ditching me even on my 16th, 18th & 21st significant birthdays only out of jealousy cuz I had started blogging and created my own websites (2-4 of them) and also launched my book on my own I had done the cover designing, typesetting interior layout (modern magazine theme so that it would appeal more to fellow youngsters) editing, e-book designing, payment gateway I had a separate website and I had designed each and every page even the Thankyou page in my own which had cute puppies with ribbons thanking my customers, I was only 22 and I was dealing with horrible fibro flares… I even designed all the marketing material without any professional software, I didn’t have 10k to spend per month but no one could make out cuz the quality and all was great, I would make sure everything was “sophisticated”, I even wanted my future husband to be like that he can’t be just anybody any random creep… anyway they only came back to write nasty things out of jealousy they kept saying I can’t believe you were into writing and all because I know someone who copy pastes from other articles, I felt so bad my best friend knew at some point I also wanted to be a screenwriter, she even knew I had started it from the age of 12, she knew that and yet she was lying to everyone, they create a fake ID to write quotes there which were nothing but taunts lol in the form of “quotes” and made a bigger fool of themselves! Anyway they made one more comeback in “20 after cov to scare me cuz I was all alone and wrote about morbidity and dead bodies which were piling up they knew I am hypersensitive, and then one of them who was 6-7 years older than me I would call her my sister when I was a kid and I trusted her the most she tricked me to find out if I would still buy designer bags I had a few LV ones 10 years ago and they still look new I could’ve easily lied but I just shared honestly that I was more into saving now (and I anyway always wanted baguette purses like the 90s and early 2000s so I have a huge collection of those but some of them even cost as little as 500/- to 1000/- I got a few from UK on 70% disc. + 10% off and that too luckily brand new with everything every paper foil intact) they were all materialistic she still thought I was poor (I’m actually not rich) and she just disappeared after that, she severed all contact and blocked me everywhere all of a sudden that too during Cov times, she wanted to buy a 10k worth bag and everyone was saving money during the pandemic so I thought it would be okay if I’ll say I have never tried that brand and I’m not shopping much, she just disappeared but she kept following my personal/private account cuz she wanted to continue stalking me she wasn’t talking at all, so I obviously deleted her… she never reverted back except for once; she was very active btw cuz I saw her liking someone else’s posts religiously she would fawn over those people cuz they would earn a lot and go abroad, she had become their sidekick since her college days, it almost felt like she had given that creep/harasser a 411 on me and timing was also such so I told her about it and that was the only time she responded to me and said “No I don’t know who you are talking about” after that she never said anything ever, she just sat there insensitively even when I needed help and I was dying. My grandma would tutor her when she was kid and those sisters have failed and repeated thrice in school none of them are smart they only got ahead in life cuz they are white like Parsi people and they flirt with their managers she copy pastes articles from here and there and gets away with it, you know how much privilege we give to fair people in India, I saw their collègues and out if everyone only she had the most confident smile. Anyway, this is what I wanted tell: From the fact that she never showed any humanity even during cov times and she ditched ke when I needed someone the most even when I was crying all this while for help but she did respond when I asked her about that 411 shows that people have become very selfish almost criminal minded and if I have to evaluate them based on statistics like these where she opened her mouth when she came under scrutiny because she was not a celeb but Harsh, inspite of all that doesn’t because he has a verified tick if I have to minutely analyse people’s behaviour based on such statistics then we shouldn’t be dreading doomsday… cuz it’s already here. I never expected people to work so mechanically they are entirely driven by brain & logic no heart no emotions and these people don’t even have much brains to be honest otherwise who would leave someone to die like that? There has to be some level of understanding some SANITY a healthy brain won’t work like this, it won’t act numb or dumb or entirely insensitive to something like that. They are numb… callus, cuz they don’t even have much brains to work with or think logically. But here’s one more thing, you don’t need to be extra smart to show compassion or humanity and this; just because maximum people are acting like that and you have that nod of approval from them it doesn’t mean you are sane just because you are in majority, I don’t deserve this, there was an insensitive psycho who had girls hidden in his basement and he had 100 disciples who would visit him every Sunday in masses as cult followers they were deaf for the girls who would cry and wail for help, I even had a coincidence when I shared that story or that of Nirbhaya’s (go read it on my website in the article - https://www.lilacnights.com/post/your-reality) it’s as if God takes screenshots and these coincidences happen to tell us someone out there is watching even if you feel unnoticed or ignored and they show up here and there, the other day I was talking about Preet and my brother’s similarities both being born under the numerological value 9 and same pet name Chiku and my mother and his mother born share the same birthdate 21st Dec moreover Preet and my Brother both also have consecutive EEs moments after I said that I saw a review shared under my brother’s name I was just talking about his name… today something similar happened I was busy emphasising on the word irresistible that I’m impotent as a girl if I would’ve been irresistible I wouldn’t been treated with love care and humanity too and I received a text the very next second which said “Want to buy cars at irresistible prices?” When I asked what was it about, the quote app said something and another word caught my eye, the last line had “You are loved a lot dear one, you are not worthless like you feel” after saying I’m not irresistible I had also said “I'm worthless” in my mind I had not verbalised it. Now coming to my so called “friends” who abandoned me even as matured grown up adults they were all older than me - Arshi, Nazia, Usama, Sanober, Sufyan, Shaziya, Lochan, Ruksar, Insha and Harsh, Preet Rajput (Navsari/Rajkot) you’ll never get away with this, NONE OF YOU ALL you come under the category of sociopaths, these actions are MURDEROUS they are all social crimes even something which seems innocuous to you all (go google what that means) enraging someone with silence/ignorance can easily come under certain sections such as emotional abuse, causing depression, abetment to suicide, trauma which led to my fibro, I have my doctor’s reports I’m born with the skills of a lawyer my card/numerological number means KARMA moreover in an author I’d written a lot of things based on human psyche in fact even at the mere age of 21 for teenagers and their parents when I’d myself just stepped out of my teens puri chargesheet file kar sakti hu mai cyber bullying, CYBER CRIME, social media harassment, breaching of personal info/details as he never intended to use my BB pin or social media contacts which he asked but never reverted. Some tarot card reader had told me long back during a random reading at the mall when I was 16… I didn’t show any interest in law but she said you’ll become a great lawyer and I can hold a very good semantic debate.
He thinks he is a bad boy he's still probably stuck in his Channel V phase this can happen with teen actors and impact their minds once they start aging, let me tell you Harsh bad boys aren't boring like you they'll never let a girl die a virgin even after 10 years of her youth, they are at least flirtatious, they show interest in women, they don't bore them to death or waste their time, you are playing an amateurish Bad Boy from Disney Channel. I don't find it impressive, none of your bullying with those Kindergaten friends of your's. Get real bro. *kisses* muah
Additional Input: Whenever he would block me that too for no reason (he himself had come to me) I would get a debilitating pain on one side of head which led to cluster headaches I would completely black out and my heart would stop cuz I loved him and he hasn't stopped blocking yet, his brother Preet blocks too. Its been 9 years but his grudge is going on...
Sadism on a completely different level: That Preet Rajput was pretty much active you could see it on Truecaller and even when I had called up his phone was ringing single ring means blocked but he rang twice thrice which means he was reading my messages when I was dying he knew consciously that I was on my deathbed but he was insensitively reading those texts like a psycho all this while for a year… he didn’t block because on SMS no one can make out if someone does that. But as soon as he came on iMessage he blocked (and it’s not like I had recovered, my condition has deteriorated) he blocked intentionally to hammer me more because when the message doesn’t get marked as delivered it means the other person has blocked that’s why he deliberately blocked with the whole and sole intention of killing me cuz he knew the impact blocking has on me (Read what I’ve written previously about Harsh’s blocking) He thought no one would come to know because I have no friends or family and I already get abused at home. You’ll find enough evidence on my social media accounts. Such a big man with criminal tendencies what a fucking psycho? Psychopathic family. Twitter: @dutchesstruffle Instagram: _thechalet_ Facebook: Zara Sauleh & Backup Tumblr: @TheSecretAttic & @BerlinBisque
Xx Zara Sauleh
"This was me at 21, just read a quote which said “It’s easy to take off your clothes have sex in today’s times” my pressure is too low and it affects my breathing, it’s impossible for some of us forget “easy” he left me to die as a VIRGIN. He taught me a lesson just because I was seeking commitment, life is short youth is shorter, quality over quantity… when those few hours after work aren’t enough to be with someone you love how can you have a one night stand and then bear all the INFIDELITY, when he’ll be making love to someone else. I lost 10 years of my life where I could’ve been with him I loved him but look… I feel ashamed because I haven’t even been kissed in today’s times."
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