The reason why I’ve named my post “Little Humans” is because getting Baby Fever is easy but realistically speaking you need to understand, perceive & respect your (future) kid as another individual/human being, they are going to have their own set of habits and temperaments, their own wishes, dreams… so don’t try to live out your unfulfilled life by projecting it on them or imposing your will just to live it vicariously through their’s, they will have a lot more expenses than you, smaller things don’t come at a smaller price, they will require more attention for their health, better food for their growth and nourishment (in fact the best of all) and a whole lot of other things…
If someone is honest or genuine people hate them, back in time when people would lie blatantly no one would mind that for example, my father wanted several kids just because he wanted cute “babies” to play with that too he was very fickle, insensitive and “moody” he never wanted to take our responsibility… neither financially nor as a parent, he never gave us any time, I remember I would call up 15-50 times a day as a 5-6 year old but he would NEVER ANSWER a single call, isn’t that selfish? In today’s times, if a girl says whatever I’ve shared in Brightest Dawn article (lookup for it in the search bar on my blog or click on the underlined text) if we are honest beforehand then it’s not cool? If a girl says she has fibromyalgia and it can get passed on genetically to the baby and the labour pain would kill her even with an epidural, it’s again a shocker :/ When I was in 6th std, me and my best friend and my brother all three of us wanted to switch to the ICSC board cuz I liked their subjects such as English Literature, Theatre/Drama etc. My mother consulted someone from our society regarding this and that aunty said, “My kids only have one pair of nightsuit each and hardly any games or toys, we somehow manage our daily expenses (groceries & ration) cuz we have to spare one lakh per kid every month and by now it’s too late to switch back to SSC so if your kids are ready to give up on everything else and you can pay that much then you can put them there, that too they don’t have AC classrooms or laptops all those are just gimmicks, most schools are just charging that much, their teachers are not even aware of the syllabus or portion” their school itself had switched to ISCE. We were like, we are already in secondary now so our schooling is almost over and my brother wasn’t interested anymore after hearing that; we knew that aunty wasn’t exaggerating cuz those two kids would wear the same clothes everyday… imagine if this is how it was when I was merely 10 yrs old then in today’s times things are gonna be much more exorbitant… and you’ll have to be a lot more prodigal if you are situated in India, over here only the rich can survive, you barely get anything, not even basic amenities to ensure a healthy comfortable life and a happy nurturing environment. Babies are cute no doubt, kids are funny, they are very loving and affectionate, they can make you happy but they are a huge responsibility, they need their own personal space, their room - right from the cot to a teen dorm, you need to keep a keen eye on them 24 x 7 the world is getting terrible day by day, you will have to protect their sanity from INTERNET, some kids no matter how rude this sounds are very disappointing that too from a very young age, irrespective of their genes, their nature is sometimes extremely different, I’ve seen that and they are very unmanageable, you will just end up blaming yourself and your upbringing and it’s impossible to teach them any convictions or values, trust me, I’ve seen such examples right in front of my eyes, most parents eventually give up so at the end of the day… some of us feel like it wasn’t worth it :/ no one’s God to be that altruistic or selfless, no matter how hard you try and bringing another life into this world where you yourself are struggling to survive is a bigger responsibility, it’s easier to relocate, travel, cave in or feel a bit more secure (in challenging situations like this pandemic) when you are alone with your partner but with the responsibility of a child on your shoulders, it’s just impossible to even imagine that. There was a man who was working as a manager but due to recession and this covid he lost his job he was now earning merely 7-10k as a delivery guy that too for his son’s school fees, one night he met with an accident :/ and he was the sole bread winner in the family, now his elderly parents, wife & son are all rendered homeless. His wife could’ve taken care of her in-laws (financially) but having a kid at home and taking care of his well-being, growing expenses (and emotional health, they are the first to get scared) is very difficult. If you feel you should be teaching your kids to compromise on everything that’s not wrong but at times when they have peer pressure, they just end up getting intransigent, they feel cornered, it’s not easy to please your folks as well as other kids who bully and harass you everyday, they make their life hell and that also has a huge impact on their future, it’s again a demanding/challenging situation and certain kids feel the need to fulfil these “prerequisites” just to have a normal social life, all those little luxuries turn into necessities so don’t make it worse for them or for your own self, I’m not saying you have to buy them a tablet when they just toddlers (a lot of parents do that arghh) or an expensive toy every year during their teens (like the purple iPhone) but at least don’t expect them to adjust in a cramped up studio apartment, a shady locality or local trains (especially if you have a daughter) that is way too much… don’t ruin another life. I haven’t enjoyed my own life till now, there are so many unfulfilled dreams and wishes, so many ambitions, I have missed out on 7 years of my youth, I’ve never had any friends, my health keeps deteriorating, I have to literally stand on my own feet first so I won’t be able to take any responsibility, you have to educate them, I can’t send my kids for tuition, I don’t think I’ll be able to finance them either, I’m not ready for it, simple. Nowadays all those Pregnancy Journey posts on Instagram have inspired a lot of people to have kids and because it has almost become like an incentive or craze more than an intrinsic milestone… they get to post those things, it’s just a bizarre trend, where they’ll share mirror pics, baby bumps & all kinds of corny things about divine “motherhood”, it’s getting more and more popular amongst mom bloggers and models these days, they do earn a significant amount of views & likes so everyone wants to be a part of it, it’s like a relay race where they mandatorily want to meet that “goal” because they feel its like some sort of an achievement, its the only thing that defines or evinces “womanhood”, they somehow feel like they need to compete with each other or reach that mom status which is by far the worst ethos we’ve ever had and even if they don’t want to do something, social media encourages them to walk with the crowd and trample over their own well being (plus their baby’s or another person’s as well)
Here’s a message for all those who were criticising some celeb for surrogacy by saying, “She doesn’t want to bear kids to stay in shape”
The reason quoted by her: Busy schedule & age, yet if they think she doesn’t want to bear them, then yes. Deal with it. You have a problem? Then you ruin your body and cut yourself in half just to bring another life into this overpopulated world. Its mainly because of you men, I had read some weirdo saying, “I don’t like my wife anymore cuz she is fat now after giving birth” on the other hand there are several conniving women who keep having babies just to rope in their husbands for further commitment because they are afraid of losing them or they think it’ll draw them closer by keeping them engaged, this is not how it works. I don’t want to bear them either, so? Even if I wouldn’t have had this health issue, I wouldn’t have risked my life… it was imperative for me to say that cuz I seriously never saw it coming, not in today’s generation… that’s so orthodox, one woman was crying in pain, begging for C-Section but she died cuz her in laws wanted a natural birth. STOP being so superficial. Like I said be it abortion or delivery, you can’t compare a foetus’s life with underdeveloped senses (or uniform individuality) with a grown up woman’s, who has already been through a lot and come a long way, the magnitude of her pain is going to be bigger, so stop. It’s not worth it, that doesn’t mean I don’t love children, I probably love them more and hence I’ve taken this decision which is in everyone’s best interest, so stop being so naive, considering how the world is today thanks to you’ll I’d rather not.
- Zara Sauleh
Update: Besides there are always these kids and I have kept a pup before so trust me when I say they are just like human children, same habits, at times even same actions and same idiosyncrasies. I'm okay with being a dog parent. You have to get them vaccinated before even taking them out and you can't touch them or play with them without washing your hands first because they are more susceptible to infection (before their vaccines) and much more delicate and vulnerable to everything so they require more care.
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