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Writer's pictureZara Sauleh

Childhood Memories Part 1 & 2



T H É B A L M

Once when I was a toddler… I was four years old, in Sr.KG and being the elder kid I always counted myself as one of the “adults”, one night, the Devil instigated me to do something fishy… I should have probably gone to sleep but no. Maximum things that occur naturally to us, which we do “purely out of whim” are never that random, they are all orchestrated by him; the lights were out and I was already in bed when I decided to change my night suit for no reason at all… I wanted to pick another one on my own from the dresser, so I asked my mom regarding that and then I went ahead, like I said it was dark so I couldn’t see much… I chose what I wanted and then I slammed the drawer on my (tiny) finger… how evil 👿 how effing *evil* I could’ve got a fracture, I obviously started crying and I said, “I’ll never choose my night suit never ever!” Lol 😂

My brother who was 2 at that time, woke up and ever since he was a kid he was fond of cheese 🧀 we used to call him a mouse and no wonder he loved Mickey Mouse so much 🎩 he would ask for cheese each time he would open his eyes… this time again, in the middle of the night when I was busy crying, he woke up asking for cheese, that distracted me for a second cuz I was busy jittering, I asked myself, “How can he have so much cheese?” If you’ve ever tried Amul’s processed cheese cubes, the ones which come wrapped in that “silver foil”, they are so sharp, they don’t have that sharp cheddar flavour but they literally cause rashes on your tongue, I was always very sensitive so I never understood how he would keep having several cheese cubes in one go… then my father said if I’ll stop crying we’ll get a balm the next day, now the reason why I was so excited to get my own balm was because we were not allowed to touch balms and ointments, the last time they left me unattended… (I was only a few months old) I was literally eating it… it was all over my hands and mouth. Anyway I went to the chemist the next day and got something extra “special” my mother asked where I got that balm from… A. It was scented and B. I had picked the “fanciest” balm from the whole shop, Amrutanjan had a very upscale packaging back in the 90s, they had a small glass jar with a metal lid unlike Vick’s plastic container and it looked like Lemon Curd from inside. After I got that, my grandparents also started using that balm cuz they fell in love with the fragrance and the quality. I was their first brand ambassador, it was like a real life commercial/advertisement.

M I L K & H O N É Y 🍯

Like I said, when I was 2 years old, I had pneumonia & I’d somehow survived it, the doctor literally said, “She has been blessed with another life” but I had grown weak and I started getting asthma/wheezing… so I wasn’t allowed to eat a lot of things, I couldn’t have chocolates like other kids, anything with artificial preservatives, nothing cold and not even room temperature juices or fruits because anything which could trigger even the slightest cold in me would give me asthma attacks and high fever. I couldn’t even eat several vegetables cuz they were “greasy” and my doctor asked me to try them by including them in my diet but I fell sick again so I would refrain from having all that and I had enough control over myself even as a kid, I was barely three in Kindergarten and a lot of different companies or brands would pick our school for advertisements, they would come there with free samples and pamphlets but I would sincerely tell them I can’t have any of that so I would stay back in my classroom while all other kids would try those things, when I grew up I gained enough resistance but unfortunately that was short lived cuz my life ended at 21 itself when I got diagnosed with other ailments (I was always abused at home as a kid and adult both) and I developed several neurological issues because of all the trauma and heartbreaks… My mother has taunted me a lot for crying at school when I was in KG, she has always given me a lot of hate for everything, I would cry because she would come very late to pick me up, I would stay back and wait for more than an hour… all the kids would go home, I was in KG so I was obviously a toddler, I would sit alone there and all the teachers would leave too… when the peon would finally shut the gate I would start crying but then I realised I had to be strong so I came up with a plan, I would cry because it will be obviously scary for any 3 year old, I would start foreboding… I used to think they will not open the gate once the peon will also leave… I then decided I’ll go back to my classroom and sleep there, that’s how I would deal with it. And this is exactly why I was pissed when that guy was making me wait for his texts… I hate such people. Why give someone false hopes? And if you don’t I’m not want kids but you are having them just to please your in laws that too because you were expecting a boy or whatever do yourself a favour, just don’t bring any kid into this world… if you are going to hate them so much and find them so annoying then don’t. She has taunted me so much for something that happened years ago in 1998… for those crying episodes, I had stopped crying, like I said I would go back the classroom where all the lights and fans would be switched off.


Coming back to the Story:

As I was saying I had the habit of drinking warm milk with honey because I wasn’t allowed to have most of the things, so I would carry that to school when I was in KG… we were forced to leave the classroom during recess irrespective of the fact that there were several kids outside who could bully us, once me and my best friend (I still remember her name) were standing outside the classroom in the corridor cuz we were afraid of the bullies, I was drinking the milk from a Tupperware bottle when one of them approached me (it was a group of big boys) he mocked me and said, “Choti Bacchi Dudu piyengi?” I was only 3… so yeah technically I was a kid or a toddler, he then spilled the whole milk on my head, it went inside my nose & throat, it choked me up and I was gagging… I was in tears but at the same time I was fighter I wanted to punch him… my friend stopped me and said, “Zara let it go, let it go” she gave me her hanky and she said something to make me feel better, I “pretended” 👍🏻 like I believed her because she was my best friend and she was just trying to help me… since he said (translated) “What a lil’ baby to drink “milk” hahaha” his exact words were - “Choti bacchi dudu peeti hai” before spilling it, she gave me her hanky and she was helping me remove all that milk from my hair, she said, “Hey don’t feel bad, the other day I saw even Miss (our teacher) was drinking milk during the break.” I am so sorry I really appreciate that but I can’t stop laughing now as an adult 🤣


Love,

Czar 𝒵ℒ.

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