I don’t want to trivialise or lampoon anything but…
I still remember one Thats so Raven episode (as a kid, it was our fav, it was so hilarious) where both Raven & her younger brother Cory were blaming each other for the fiasco they had created at Cory’s school, they each have a different version to narrate and according to Raven she was a Divine innocent “Angel” who entered his class as a substitute or proxy with a halo over her head & a soft & calm demeanour. Cory on the other hand, has a completely divergent tale, he claims, she entered his class intimidatingly like an Evil Witch, according to his story, she shouts at their old teacher, stares at a beautifully bloomed rose and sucks the life out of it 🥀 it literally withers away and then when all the kids team up to defy her, they spill grape juice on her shirt (like holy water) and she screams again saying, “Eeeek Mai pighal gayi, mai pighal gayi” Both of their narratives are nothing but exaggerated travesties… the real life version is as guessed a bit boring but at the same time it’s super funny. So anyway there’s a reason why I shared that… irrespective of your side of the story or my side, coming to the main topic - I’ve had several coincidences revolving around him and they’ve been specifically suggesting/emphasising on “Communication” but I was forced to ask myself yesterday, is that our only goal? As any daughter who’s not had that kind of a father… those other signs which I’d shared the other day labelled “Maybe I am, Maybe I’m not” denoting God’s eldest child, I don’t want my Father to bow at a mere human being, it’s my job to save his pride & self respect (not ego) so apparently, me, the entire universe and God and even the Devil are all busy NOT dealing with Covid or the Catastrophic Climate but Harsh-ji and his morn vrat Ke Harshji kab kuch Bakkenge and probably that day, we’ll declare a Public Holiday, all the kids would be like “No please everyday is a holiday, declare a school day” We will collectively have a huge celebration, deem it as a festival, break our fast looking at his Messenger profile through the chhalani (no offence, even though I’m a Muslim, I’ve always believed in Karvachauth and I never wanted to marry someone from the same religion so I feel very happy when others get to keep it as in the fast even when they aren’t married ie. for their boyfriends, I would’ve done the same thing but not all of us are that blessed) We will bang drums for him, carry out an entire procession, his mother would break a nariyal (coconut - most probably on his head) before he’ll finally lift his phone to text or call… that glorious moment where Zeus would cry tears of joy and we’ll have those cool delicate Spring Drizzles, all the flowers would bloom and birds would start chirping again, Coronavirus would start receding… everyone would be miraculously cured, that day, he will lift his stupid phone in slow mo (like they do in his daily soaps/tv serials, he might take ages to do that, like he may drag an entire weekend Sat-Sun and put it on the Monday episode) where the audience will sit at the edge of their seats waiting in suspense… they’ll deliberately start the next episode with a bigger recap to play with your serotonin levels and then they’ll put several ad breaks in between… the phone would finally buzz and no one would answer from my end, then he’ll try again and it would eventually… *the moment that we’re all waiting for* lead to a one on one conversation - my phone would brighten up, we’ll see Divine Light shining through… err I mean flashing** and at that point, whatever oath he has taken in his Illumin*ti club as a celebrity will be kaput, his deity will find the tallest tower & take a leap 🙌🏻 *we’ll pan the camera* finally a leap of faith… he will change his own religion, he”ll eventually go and wash his sins on the river banks of Ganga, he will apologise to Bholenath for ruining the whole third eye concept… again, I’ll like to believe someone is watching over us and nothing goes unnoticed not even your thoughts so watch out, we should only wish everyone well, keep your ill-will to yourself, always, cuz all these Gods are real and trust me, they have a temper (I had shared an incident from my mother’s childhood days and it sort of proves that all these deities - not talking about the evil ones, are indeed real and you shouldn’t offend them, they will look after you if you believe in them and respect & acknowledge their existence) We might record his first words like people film their babies uttering “Mama, da-da” for the first time …
So basically this guy, after having a simple, neat conversation with a Normal person (like I’ve said Normal doesn’t necessarily mean Ordinary) will feel Destroyed his OCD and obstinacy will break with the coconut 🥥 & he’ll be like, “I can’t believe I spoke to someone who is NOT from the Industry, a NON ACTOR, a normal person… an untouchable, downtrodden ugly dirty underling, a low, uncouth human who deserves ZERO respect (simply cuz we don’t earn money faking to be someone else, we play those heroes in real life and we are the inspirational characters you portray on the silver screen, I finally feel proud being a part of the Audience who applaud at their own strength in the movie theatres)
Talking to someone like us would make him *dramatically* drop his phone and fall back on the wall & exclaim like Raven “Eeek Nahhhhiiiii Mai Pighal Gaya, Mai Pighal Gaya!!!” (ref. story I shared earlier)
I always thought that maybe I can productively use my ugliness to make people laugh and I wanted to start with stand up comedy on YouTube, you should be glad I don’t have that much energy or confidence cuz I would’ve been a terrible comedian and I have other plans, like joining Pottery Barn or doing Interiors, I want to gift people an environment from which they won’t feel like escaping, they won’t need internet, it’ll force them to log off and appreciate all the tranquility that surrounds ‘em… we all need some recuperation and calmness, we’ve all come a long way and we deserve that kind of a retreat. I hope it made you laugh though or at least smile, smirk whatever
Zara Sauleh
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