Convulsions, palpitations, tears & frustration… several things insensitively dealt with simply because “We don’t deserve a chance, a chance at surviving” & why? Cuz you stubbornly want to take charge of our life & DICTATE our worth, you think it’s funny when a smart sophisticated girl falls prey to a pervert, the biggest punishment for her would be to spend the rest of her life in a home bound cell with a predator who has zero credibility & ethics, no respect, who only marries to objectify and use women? And I’ve grown up all my life watching aunties accepting their fate “willingly”, there are some girls who just want someone of the opposite gender that’s it… for them it’s just about sex, too bad you messed with the wrong kid…
I am not going to BUDGE, just as a girl (especially like me) has to be emotionally attached to the man she is with, who CARES about her not uses her, she has to be attached to his child too… my life is not going to be bound up in a nauseating physical connection of “eggs & sperms” I’m not here to please you and then pamper another creep who’ll grow up to be like you’ll, in fact I’ve seen them disrespecting girls from a very young age, literally from birth, they are very brash, crude & snappy around females… they are born like that, it’s all genetic and I don’t want a disgusting nauseating life which will end up in 9 months of pain only to welcome a product & constant reminder of what I deem as “the rape culture” of being “used”… I want to form a loving bond with equally loving genes not a vicious circle of objectification & some reproductive scientific module, God wouldn’t have given me feelings if I was supposed to work mechanically… If you think a smart, sophisticated girl ending up with a predator is funny, if living constantly in fear in her own house with someone who returns home only to treat her as a subservient is a good bargain or compromise, if you think categorising us as either one of the two - A girl who “fulfils her duties” or “An independent woman who doesn’t need a man” is fair then I’ll tell you something funnier, how bout you end up with a gay creep? People will trivialise your situation even more, they’ll be like, “You are a Strong man, you can handle it… Defend yourself or try some common excuse to avoid sleeping with a creepy beast like that” In India, Ugly men are the FIRST to get married whereas it’s the other way round for girls and Ugly doesn’t equate with fidelity, in fact more often than not, they are the most desperate, girls on the other hand, even virgins… I can’t vouch for all but some of us aren’t interested in sex cuz whats intimacy without love? And when we don’t have something as basic as care and respect, why be sad about lack of sex? So Ugly girls definitely don’t deserve to be punished with a creep… the choice depends on us and it matters more cuz at the end of the day, it’s either love or lust and as a girl, someone who has to offer a lot more than a man, we decide what it’s gonna be… and 99% of us would not want to be a prey for the latter and although I don’t know what this phrase or expletive means (in fact I’m glad ‘cuz I don’t know how bad it is then and I can use it with my whole heart) I am swearing… here, listen up, “Tera rejection Gaya tere bhosde mein” I am not going to let anyone define my worth or dictate my life, who I ought to be with and what I deserve
There’s a reason behind what I just said, too bad I can’t share those instances here ‘cuz some of ‘em have been noted in the Middle East & it’s perilous to discuss all that but wherever they disrespect females, you will find such kids who are born with misogynistic tendencies & aggression towards our gender. Not saying all male kids are such, I was once at some local supermarket in Bandra, it was a few years down the line… I was probably 20-21 and there was this small toddler, must be hardly 2 or so… it seems like he was returning from a function held at his Kindergarten, he was dressed like a little gentleman in a classic white shirt and black trousers and he was so shy and sensitive, the most adorable kid I’ve ever met, he was looking inside each of our baskets to see what we were buying and his babysitters obviously had no complains with him cuz he was very quiet and docile but at the same time he was extremely loving, affectionate & gentle, he kept coming around and I was busy with him while my mother was at the checkout, I didn’t feel like moving from there and when I left it almost felt like I left a piece of my heart behind… when their fathers have some “class” their children especially sons are indeed little gentlemen… I want someone with a good personality and nature, you are no one to put a price tag on me You will NOT find me, ME in 2-3 years compromising & giving you that acquiescent smile LYING, “Oh I’m married now and I have my own family” - where my husband expects me to be a concubine in the bedroom & chef in the kitchen, where he feels entitled to that simply because he earns or earns extra zeroes… where he himself is creepy, old and ugly af but he drools over half naked girls on VH1 (I’ve seen such creepy uncles & it’s scary) where I’m gonna teach his son fractions and numbers just so he would rate girls by their statistics and (eventually) put a price tag on them… I will find someone who will emulate you in everything, looks and all things beyond…
THIS IS NOT my post but look, do you think it’s worth it?
Also, please refer to www.lilacnights.com/post/little-humans I don't think I'll want to cut myself in half after having a chronic illness like Fibromyalgia (I don't like repeating that but people need to have some shame and compassion) I won't make it even with an epidural, it's simply not worth it... no matter how controversial this sounds, there are countless of posts/reels out there where hairy ugly Indian men are busy posting disgustingly icky, disturbing videos with children only to copy foreigners and monetise on them and people from all over the globe are sharing horrible posts on their Instagram accounts - with kids, they are so damn deviant and bad, they think its funny? I receive their suggestions because I have interacted with puppy and baby videos before... I am not going to be one of those capitulated, passive girls who'd quietly ruin her body, life and health just to bring another pervert into this world and then ruin another girl's life by imposing him on her like a frigging burden that he is. All those who are giving us that ephemeral "baby fever" are just a few, handful of children who are surfacing on internet because of their antics and cuteness and even they begin to lose their innocent charm by the age of 2-3 because they understand that they are internet celebrities who are earning money on social media. We believe humans have stopped evolving but that's not true, if I would’ve written my next book which was primarily based on Science & it's wonders, it would've proven or clarified that to a certain extent, maximum babies nowadays look like an adult from day one itself, they don't have that innocence in their eyes, they also understand everything unequivocally... To be very honest, after all the insensitivity and hate that I was put through (for no reason at all, except for the fact that I probably wanted a commitment) I don't think it is worth ruining the rest of my life for this:
The third one who is sucking his finger is not actually doing it like most children, the ones with a typical pacifier or thumb in their mouth, he is looking quite uncivilised from this age itself, there is no innocence at all... I'll reiterate myself, "I am not going to be one of those capitulated, passive girls who'd quietly ruin her body, life and health just bring another pervert into this world and then ruin another girl's life by imposing him on her like a frigging burden that he is." Also, looking at his size, please spare me... if you are so crazy about having kids, then you can give them birth, I don't care if you are a man.
I'm pretty sure the next image speaks for itself, I am not going to be this woman... damn it!
Remember I had said, I won’t rush in, I had heard about destination weddings & fairytale weddings, what’s an Instagram wedding? When I don’t want all that, how can I be okay with something this superficial… it doesn’t have to be elaborate, we just need to place special emphasis on the vows that we exchange, the promises that we make, the shared responsibilities that it’ll entail… I kept laughing at that line which I said but didn’t understand “Tera Rejection Gaya… bhaad mein” and it’s like the universe laughed with me, all the quotes were with hahas and humour and I kept scrolling and all of a sudden this came up… remember I had said I won’t be rushing in? Read that again
Yet another Coincidence/Sign ✨
You will find me and my partner living our happily ever after, we will open up a gift shop as a side business and spread smiles which will make up for all those tears that I’ve cried… we will encourage people to share gestures of goodwill and sweet tokens of love, to bestow gifts graciously and accept them gratefully… We will help build community relations and the concept of give and take because life is literally incomplete without friends and family, you CANNOT enjoy it alone. I am not gonna lie and say “Love yourself & Learn to be a solo ranger” that little deprivation turns into an unhealthy vacuum and sucks your life out, so I will never say something mindlessly like that… We will keep Wind Chimes at the door & those cute vintage cash registers with that typical ka-ching sound for some real time ASMR and 🙌🏻 a section called “My 1st Paycheck” where we’ll keep an affordable range for the whole family, so that teens & other people will be able to gift something from their first pay with pride which your recipient will have to accept wholeheartedly ‘cuz I know all the excitement that follows, who’ll know it better than me, I’ve borne the burns of 5th Mar (and the taunts that I received in return) but no one would be creep zoned this time, I promise cuz every gift will carry a good luck charm…
Additional Inputs: I’ve tried compromising but you’ll are not worth it, ugly men have an uglier heart, they are too cheap and they know a lot of girls will try settling on them when they’ll lose their self worth so they have a longer waiting list, I was told, “Shut up you Bitch” by an ugly 40 year old fat uncle with a big beer belly who worked in your Zee Network as God knows what, my ID was anonymous, I was only 22 back then and I didn’t tell him anything, I was talking normally, he himself said if your ID is private then I’m assuming you are ugly (I bet he hasn’t seen himself in the mirror) but I didn’t react, after that he spoke like a normal person, then I told him I’m going to eat something (I was starving since 48 hours because of family issues and my mother) I told him I got my appetite back so I’ll ttyl… I’ll text back in the evening, so he told me “Shut up you bitch don’t show me such attitude” NEVER, NEVER AGAIN. No need to compromise just because you were already compromising on a man who was 7 years older than you and he chose other creepy girls it doesn’t mean you, inspite of being a 22 year old girl (back then I was that young) compromise on a 40 year old disgusting creep.
Next, that Bhopali assh*le (ur cousin or whoever) was taking advantage of my illness… I developed a new symptom due to corona’s stress in “20 the same nerves which are responsible for causing you loads of pain, sharp, peeling, stinging are also responsible for triggering itchy sensations, I was going crazy my mother was torturing me as usual and I just shared a love note anonymously on some app, he would stalk me a lot so he knew it was me… from my words and my username, so he came and started bothering me, I didn’t know it was the same creep and I thought it was someone random so at first I responded casually, he brought something up so I said, “Yeah but at least some guys are stylish” and he told me, audaciously “You will never learn a lesson and keep complaining ur whole life” I’ve been choosing my own outfits since I was a baby, I was a mere toddler I would not even reach most of the counters but I would pick my own clothes while shopping, all other parents who would come there to buy for their children would see what I’ve chosen at the cash counter and ask if they had another piece available, everyone would admire my clothes & style (ever since I was barely 4-5) and they were not that expensive in fact at times I would even pick from roadside stalls and ppl would assume they are from a store, when I grew up whenever I would go to Zara (Btw my grandmother named me right, I’m also Zara) I would always bump into the same gay stylist and he would always follow me and try to see what I’m picking, when I stopped going out my brother told, that stylist tries to see if you’ve come and he misses you. That Bhopali creep asked one of his friends to add me on insta, I didn’t know that girl was friends with him but when I saw one of her stories, I noticed him immediately, when I asked her about it she blocked me. The reason why I could pick him out was because he was clad entirely in black and he was wearing an offending, garish bright neon jacket on top like wtf dude? You think that’s gonna help you camouflage? Ewww That man is a curse to me, he thinks someone stylish like me doesn’t deserve to say I want someone equally stylish? Just because I’m stuck in a domestic situation and I’m a victim to my ill health and circumstances and he is trying to take advantage of that, he told me “You’ll never learn a lesson” I just said casually that “But those guys are stylish” and I wasn’t talking about you…
They’ve been setting unreasonable standards for GIRLS (we have dealt with the “pressure” to look good all this time when honestly Men are supposed to be handsome NOT girls, all girls are pretty by default) there are women who don’t respect their own gender, according to them the female form is the only kind of art we should be worshipping when it’s nothing but excessive nymphomania and unequivocal hedonism, they have been encouraging creeps and promulgating the concept of “Good Looks” and “Superficiality” where men only have to be rich or cheap for money and gratification and girls have to be “ethereal” No that’s not how it works, in fact it’s the other way round, we have assets so we don’t need a pretty face, whereas men only have a handsome face to rely on, if we aren’t turned on or lubricated enough it’s RAPE whereas for guys, our body is enough to turn them on, no one’s interested in their money NOT all of us, no one’s interested in their body, not every girl, some of us feel disgusted and nauseated, we have more to offer and we are the ones who will either get preyed upon or loved so it is our choice, we pick, we call the shots, simple. Once we fall in love with you, then even if we’ll see ur ugliest pics or ur ugly side we’ll never leave you for anyone else but we have to be in love with you or else hypersensitive girls like me would throw up. Even in the animal kingdom, three lions compete to grab the attention of the lioness & its she who chooses her mate
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